Gilded Creatures

Gilded Creatures is the result of an experiment by the Johnson and Johnson pharmaceutical corporation to create the perfect country band. In the summer of 1986 J&J began strategically implanting genetically modified children into families in rural Mississippi. The final candidates were labelled Matt Dukes, Dace Ruthven, and Brad Davis.

After years of planning and carefully coordinated indoctrination, the subjects were brought together for the first time in winter of 2013. They were given an electric guitar, and electric bass guitar, and electric key board, and an acoustic drum set. They were instructed to engage in a "Jam session". The resulting audio recording of the session was less than desirable.

Rather than the twang of classic country, or the polished mass appeal of Nashville country, the subjects produced a cacophonous maelstrom of noise and rhythm. Something had gone horribly wrong.

In the post analysis it was concluded that the subjects had been contaminated by outside influences. The subjects were alleged to have engaged with genres such as progressive rock and roll, metal rock and roll, and independent rock and roll. The decades long experiment was abandoned and widely regarded as a failure.

It is worth noting that the subjects kept creating "music" after the experiment lost funding. In fall of 2015 the subjects released an EP entitled "Nobody's Watching". To this day project Gilded Creatures remains the worst country band to have ever existed.