The Colonel

I was born half-man, half-bassline.
At age 17, I accidentally became a DJ when I woke up one day to discover that I had been collecting shit-hot vinyl all my life, had bought some decks without realising, and then tripped over a stray badger straight into my first club gig.
Once the word got out that my DJing was not bad enough to actually kill anyone, the bookings literally started to trickle in like wildfire.
As a lifelong musician, it would have been silly not to start producing too. But not as silly as my producing ended up being. My years spent raving to jungle, garage, funk, jazz and hip-hop have all ended up mashed into the music I make, spliced with a dose of good ol’ British knees-up-muvva-Brown humour and silliness. And of course, basslines.
I am also a qualified, time-served industrial abseiler. That means that if you want to book me to DJ at your office party, twenty stories up, I will probably be able to do it from the outside of the building, suspended on a rope. And maybe I’ll clean the windows while I'm there. But that'll cost extra.
Aside from all that, I’m also an obsessive perfectionist about tea, an enthusiastic (but badly co-ordinated) footballer, a big fan of fancy dress and a veteran party animal.
The Colonel will personally come and smash your party to bits, should you request this service. Now let's get fucking CRUNK!