The Scissor Girls

The Scissor Girls met while serving on the jury for a double-murder case in Cape Canaveral. During the long courtroom delays, the girls hummed quietly to themselves. At the conclusion of the trial, the annoyed judge suggested that they form a band. They did so. The debut single, “Our Host Served Slop”, sold one million copies upon release. The “host”, who was offended at the girls’ description of his spaghetti sauce recipe, sued to have all copies of the song withdrawn from circulation. It is unavailable to listen to EVER AGAIN. For the next album, the group recorded the sounds of mosquitoes buzzing around in jars. These sounds were digitally altered to resemble words, and peculiar vocal tracks were pieced together. These anonymous mosquito vocalists proved very unpopular with record buyers. The group broke up, and sold their name to a company that brokered the trademarks of distressed businesses. It was auctioned off to investment banker Keunice Moith who assembled a group of young cello students to be the new SGs. ...but they proved inept, and the project was abandoned. Moith at this point re-sold the name “Scissor Girls” to a pre-existing Wisconsin bar band called BLUES WEARY, a talented group whose career had been ruined by their dismal moniker. Revitalized by the acquisition, this edition of The Scissor Girls wrote and recorded an album commissioned by a regional dollar store to help promote their huge product range & low prices. Enjoy! - Neil Hamburger