Last updated: 5 hours ago
"I am obsessed with the idea of authenticity, and I think we all are, to some extent, and it's ridiculous and drives me insane that this is something we search for because all we do on those apps is show tiny slivers of our lives and try to convince people they're seeing all of it, and most of the time, it backfires tremendously, and we end up creating these Frankensteinian monsters made up of fragments of ourselves and fragments of the people we want to be. Because what we all do is look at these slivers of other people and use them to stitch those people together in our heads, and we trick ourselves into thinking that this is the same as knowing them. And sometimes I think that all we are is how other people perceive us because our connections are really the only tangible thing we have, and if that is true, then we are more the versions of ourselves in other people's heads than we are any intrinsic self. There are thousands of versions of me swimming around in the thoughts of other people; it feels to me sometimes like my meticulously, neurotically curated presence here has brought itself to life and gained a sentience outside of myself. It makes me feel manufactured, intangible, one-dimensional, and crushingly alone. I don't want to exist outside of myself; I want to be self-contained, singular, and real. I fear being inauthentically known, and I'm tired of everything I do being either a performance or a rehearsal".
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